my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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