she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize