Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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