No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
