I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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