Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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