I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I am morally bankrupt
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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