I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
