"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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