Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
