Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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