That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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