No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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