I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
