I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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