I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
