I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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