I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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