i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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