so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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