We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
