She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
