I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
