Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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