I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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