my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
