it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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