So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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