Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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