My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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