Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
