just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
