He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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