We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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