you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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