I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
