That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I had to cum in my sink.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
