So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
