Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
