you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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