I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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