Redeem this text for a blowjob
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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