Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
