Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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