i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
