On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize