Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
