I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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