Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love having hate sex.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
