So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
