Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
