Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
