Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
