Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
