her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
ok first of all what the fuck
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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