Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just found a bag of teeth...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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