I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
