Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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