He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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