only if we run a train.
done.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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