all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
