Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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