I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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