yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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