I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
