Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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