Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
