dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
