You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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