Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
